The Shaping of Destinies
by dfriendly
Summary: With a baby on the way, Gwen and Arthur find themselves thinking about how their childhoods shaped their lives. GwenxArthur


**Title:** The Shaping of Destinies

**Fandom:** _Merlin_

**Characters/Pairings:** Gwen/Arthur, Tom, Gwen's mom, Lancelot, Uther, OFC

**Rating:** PG

**Word Count:** 1,489

**Spoilers:** Through Series 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Merlin._

**Summary:** With a baby on the way, Gwen and Arthur find themselves thinking about how their childhoods shaped their lives.

**Author's notes:** Written for Oneshot Challenge 1 at the LJ comm ag_fics. The challenge's theme was "Beginnings".

I don't know who first came up with the name of Eleanor for Gwen's mother. But I've seen the name used in several places, so I feel like it's semi-fanon now.

llllllllll

Guinevere wasn't even showing yet, but Arthur would still lie next to her in bed with one hand on her stomach as if he could already feel their child inside her.

"What do you remember about your mother?" he whispered. Then he watched the way her mouth worked to one side. "I'm sorry. I know it's a sore subject."

"It's a reasonable question, Arthur," she replied quietly. She paused to sigh, linking her hand with his resting on her belly.

"I remember the day she left."

lll

_Gwen was sitting on the floor and playing with her doll when her dad walked into the house. _

"_What's this, Eleanor?" he asked, looking at the packed satchels. _

_She could not look him in the eyes as she wrung her hands. "I got a letter a few weeks ago, Tom. A letter from Wrenyed." _

_Tom swallowed. "He's still alive? That's… good." _

"_He said that he and his family finally found refuge from the king's men someplace west of here. A place where they and their magic are safe."_

"_Good news that may be for him, why did he feel the need to inform us of that?" _

"_Tom," she whispered. "You know why." _

_He addressed the satchels, as if they would answer him. "So you're leaving?" _

_Eleanor took a deep breath. "Yes, Tom. I am." _

"_But how can you just leave? After _everything_ –" he choked._

"_You're no fool, Tom. You knew I still loved him when you married me. Had he not had to leave…" _

"_Except you married me. Not him." _

"_I'm not proud of myself, Tom. But I cannot help what I feel."_

_Tom's jaw became rigid. Still unable to look at his wife, his eyes fell on his daughter. "Are you taking Gwen?" _

_Eleanor looked over her shoulder at the young girl. "Would you rather she stay here with you?" _

"_I would rather I not lose both my wife and daughter in one foul swoop." _

_She nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "Alright. I know you'll take good care of her." _

_Eleanor walked over to Gwen and knelt to stroke her curls. _

"_Where are you going, Mum?" _

_Eleanor forced a smile. "Far away, Guinevere. It's best you don't know where or talk about it with people other than Daddy." _

"_When are you coming back?" _

"_I'm not sure. But probably not for a long time." _

_Gwen blinked back at her, not fully understanding. She was too young._

_Eleanor wrapped her arms around the little girl, squeezing her tight. "I will always love you, Guinevere. I don't ever want you to forget that." _

"_Love you, too, Mummy."_

_When Eleanor pulled back, she wiped her eyes and kissed Gwen's forehead. _

"_Good bye, love. Be good for your dad." _

lll

"Are you angry with her for leaving?"

Gwen bit her lip. "I was for years. But now I… I'm not sure if I can fully forgive her for leaving. But I understand her reason for going a bit better."

lll

"_Would you do me the honor of being my wife?" _

_Lancelot was kneeling next to her table bench, taking Gwen's hands in her lap. _

_Gwen could do little more than gape at him. _

"_I know it's sudden," he added. "But I love you, and I could not be surer of that." _

"_I… I- I can't, Lancelot." _

_He lowered his head. "I should not have sprung this on you. I should have waited." _

"_Lancelot, it is not so much the timing. It is that it would be unfair to you." _

"_How would it be unfair?" _

_Gwen's eyes lowered. "Because as much as you might love me, I would never be able to love you equally." _

_He took a slow breath. "You speak of Arthur." _

"_You deserve someone with whom you come first in their heart, Lancelot. I have no doubt you will find her. But you will not have a content life with me if I am always wondering what could have been." _

_Lancelot nodded stoically and stood. "I will take my leave then." _

"_I'm sorry," she whispered. _

lll

Gwen snuggled closer to Arthur. "It's hard to blame my mother for wanting to be with the man she loved. She couldn't help it," she sighed.

"But it still must have been hard for you," he said.

"It's not like I did not have a happy childhood, with my dad." She then wet her lips, carefully asking him, "What was it like being raised by your father?"

Arthur's eyebrows pulled together. "He didn't actually do much raising. I barely spent time with him until I was old enough to take on some of my princely duties. I'd see him ten minutes a day, if I was lucky."

"Then who did raise you?"

He shrugged. "Nannies. Tutors. Swordmasters. No one, really. Except maybe Agnes."

Gwen turned her head toward him. "Who's Agnes?"

"She was my wetnurse, and stayed on until I was about three. I don't remember much of her, just that I grew too close to her and when my father discovered it he had her thrown out of the castle."

lll

_Arthur and Agnes weren't aware they were being watched when he was being tucked into bed._

"_Good night, Arthur. Sweet dreams." _

"_Night, Agnes. Love you." _

"_I love you, too, Arthur," she whispered with a smile. He'd told her that weeks ago, and it still melted her heart. _

_Agnes smoothed the blanket one last time before brushing his fringe out of the way and kissing his forehead. _

_When she turned, she met the eyes of the king at the doorway. She fell into a nervous curtsey and began to move past him. _

"_I want you to get whatever things you have in the castle and get out," he growled once she was close enough._

_Agnes' expression fought to stay neutral. "May I say goodbye fir–?"_

"_No," he hissed venomously. "_Leave_."_

"_Where's Agnes?" Arthur asked the maids the next morning. But no one gave him an answer. Not until he asked his father a day later. _

"_Father, where's Agnes?" _

"_She had to go, Arthur." _

"_Why?" _

"_She wasn't good for you. So she was told to leave and not come back." _

"_But I want Agnes." _

"_You won't be seeing her anymore." _

"_But I _want_ Agnes." _

"_Arthur," he said warningly. _

"Where's _Agnes?"_

_Uther's rage blew up. "ARTHUR, I WILL HAVE NO MORE OF THIS. Your attachment to a servant will not be tolerated!" _

_Arthur shrank back at his father's outburst, tears streaming down his face as he hiccupped. _

_Uther did nothing and just exited the room, leaving Arthur crying on the floor and wanting Agnes more than anything._

_That was how Arthur learned that servants were beneath him. _

lll

"That's awful," Gwen whispered. "How could he do that?"

"He didn't like that I was replacing my mother in my mind with Agnes, so he had her sacked. It probably would have been excusable had it been a second wife of his. But never with a servant. That kind of relationship was unacceptable."

Arthur looked up at his wife's face and chuckled. "I guess his lesson didn't stick, in the end."

lll

"_Just what am I supposed to think, Arthur, upon the discovery that you think yourself in love with this servant girl?" Uther seethed. _

"_I suppose it would be too difficult for you to feel supportive or congratulatory," the prince ground out. _

_Uther's eyes narrowed to stare down his son. "She will be dismissed and not allowed within the castle again. Meanwhile you are expressly forbidden from seeing her."_

_Arthur scoffed. "I'm not a child anymore. I will choose who I associate myself with and who I have feelings for. You can't very well stop me." _

"_Don't test me, Arthur." _

"_Guinevere will keep her job; she will not be touched. And you will do nothing to try to break us apart. Otherwise, you will lose me as a son. Don't have me remind you of how close you came to losing my good favor once already, when I learnt what really happened to my mother." _

_The king froze, now cautious. "Just try to reasonable about this," he said quietly. "She is a _servant_." _

"_And that makes her no less deserving of my love, despite what you have always thought." _

lll

Gwen smiled at him, her mouth tight. "I suppose neither of us had ideal situations as children."

"It got us to where we are. So I've given up on questioning how things should have been. I just want to live our lives."

Arthur's hand began to stroke over her stomach again as a grin slowly grew. Then he reached up for her chin to angle her mouth to his.

"So you wouldn't want to change anything if given the chance?" she whispered an inch from his mouth.

Arthur gently shook his head. "I would not change a thing about the past if it would risk me not ending up with you," he answered huskily before kissing her.

llllllllll

**A/N:** In my mind, Agnes is the older woman with hearts in her eyes when Arthur orders the taxes be given back to the people in 2x06.


End file.
